Experiment #37) All good things must come to a... I'm not sure.

A la, "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood." -Robert Frost (Though technically the woods are white at the moment, save Clyde's interspersed yellow pee spots)

I started this Substack as a way to document my countdown to age 40. I live a fairly organized, planned, and routine life, and have a personality type which puts undo pressure on this, that, and the other.

In a nutshell: I could stand to CALM THE HECK DOWN.

To help myself live a little more off-the-cuff, step out of Ye Olde (moat-protected) Comfort Zone, and stop living under the guide of certainty, I committed to writing about a new “life experiment” each week. In doing so, I’d end up with a collection of 104 stories/experiments, I’d provide you with a humorous read, and hopefully deliver some epiphanies and thought experiments to your inbox.

How’s the 104 Experiments project going?

A considerate writer would ask YOU to weigh in on that question.

Dear Reader,

How do YOU think this big experimental container for experiments is going?

Sincerely, Emily

I’m actually not going to ask you that. I LOVE that you’re here and reading this, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE your comments and insights. Every single one! But, for once in my life, I’m not writing this for you, I’m writing it for me 😳. I know, I know, please don’t tell anyone my deep, dark secret.

And yet… what I’ve noticed is that I’m holding onto this rigid schedule of “consistency” so that I can show up regularly and predictably for YOU. Must. Deliver. On. All. Promises. No. Matter. The. Cost.

This morning, walking in the calm of the white woods, I contemplated whether or not this was one of the many things in life I’d dive into, give it a fair shake, and then let go…

Am I even into this anymore? I don’t have time to experiment as much. There are tons of activities on my list I’m simply NOT motivated to do at all right now. I’m busy with work, working on some personal writing, and having the expected Dark Night of the Soul that accompanies New Hampshire in the Winter.

Coming up with a weekly experiment feels like just another thing.

It was a “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood” moment.

Do I continue? Drop it? Say something? Don’t? Change the frequency of my consistency?

I haven’t quite decided yet. Every time I consider a pause or a drop, something stops me and I have to figure out what that something is. So, while I’m hashing it out, I discovered a total of 3 subtle experiments that slipped past my radar this week which I’m excited to tell you about.

So here we are.

Whether these change your life or mine, or no one’s at all… think of this week’s experiments like a log I’m sitting on in the middle of the woods. I’ll rest here a while and then figure out my plan after.

Experiment 1 of 3: Recipes

My stomach has been up to its typical antics- pain and turmoil. As of late, I’ve been struggling to figure out what to eat to make it stop hurting AND to sustain my energy. Oats/oat flour are usually where I can find tummy solace, without trouble. In the past, I’ll make it into a little pancake of sorts, but was hoping to add some protein to make the meal a little more satiating and grab-and-go-able. I was sharing this quandary with my friend, Samantha, saying how I don’t want to commit to a protein powder unless I know I can digest it OK and she graciously gave me a sample of protein powder to try out!

After planning how I’d go about it for a week, I finally set out to make a pumpkin 🎃 bread. Couple eggs, some coconut oil, oat flour, oats, cinnamon, cloves, protein powder as the “sweetener”. Bake + Voila.

The pumpkin bread was NOT good. It was bland and dry. My husband and Samantha liked it, but I think they would both eat Hay Bread if you told them it was healthy. I found the “recipe” was in need of some major tweaking.

So, I tried again… this time in the form of banana bread.

2 Almost-too ripe bananas, 2 eggs, oats, oat flour, coconut oil, cinnamon, cloves, and heck -the rest of that pureed pumpkin tossed in for good measure. Mix the wet ingredients in the food processor, fold into the dry… Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes + VOILA. (I don’t measure anything so sorry for the inexact recipe)

It was DELICIOUS. 🍌🍞

Slightly sweet with an amazing texture, it brought me back to banana bread and banana pancakes of my childhood. More importantly, it appears to be a success for my stomach. So, we’ve solved that problem -for now. The experiment also reminded me how much FUN it is to experiment with recipes and cook new treats in the kitchen.

Experiment 2 of 3: Seaweed Tea

Heritage Seaweed is a small cozy store in Portland, Maine with a ton of cool seaweed-inspired goodies; everything from seaweed cookbooks to art to candles! My mom got me this delish Seaweed Mint tea so I could sip a Cup of Sea and feel transported back to my roots every time. It’s every so slightly salty, nourishing, and revitalizing. I want everyone to know about it. Sidebar: I also want to write copy for them, so if you have a connection there, plug me, would ya’!?

Experiment 3 of 3: Dropping the need to control the experience

I can’t say the need to control is gone. But, baby steps! Last weekend I went up to Maine to visit my family for a double-header birthday. My little brother, turned 31, and my aunt turned 60.

Every family’s got their stuff and drama and blah blah blah. Mine included.

So… usually, I go into family situations on a mission to ensure EVERYONE IS HAPPY at all times. Defenses high, if I even so much as catch whiff of a facial expression that indicates something’s wrong, I swoop in like the all-controlling, hypervigilant freak I am to save the day and fix it. 🦸🏻‍♀️

Weirdly, no one thanks me for my valuable service 😂 and I just end up exhausted while my self-sacrificing efforts go unnoticed.

This time, I dunno, I think I was tired. Or had given up? Something? I’m not entirely sure what was different but as I was reflecting on my drive home, I realized I hadn’t fallen into this pattern. I took a different approach. Let. Them. Be. Let them allllll just be, Emily.

I felt better, more relaxed, more ME. I even LOOKED more like myself. More energized when I came home and lo, and behold, no one stabbed anyone. Odd, I know.

Let’s hope I can continue the experiment next time… cause it was one of my best times ever up there!

That’s all for now. Tune in next week, maybe.

Let me know YOUR thoughts.

As always, I love hearing from you. Are you going to try seaweed tea? Have I inspired you to tinker with my ingredients and make a gluten-free banana bread? Or perhaps you’re ready to drop the shenanigans and predictable played out roles in your family?